Every little thing is gonna be all white …
When work takes up more of your time than anything else, it’s important to always be at the top of your game. But no longer are we pro turning up to work four hours early every morning or naming your first-born after your boss. It’s all about the little things. Start with teeth whitening.
#1. Blinded by the light
By blinding your boss with gloriously white canines, you instantly enable yourself to do sneaky things right in front of him. This could include but certainly isn’t limited to pocketing a stash of postit notes or taking photocopies of your face. The flashing of bright white teeth and inevitable eye blinding will also come in handy when trapped in conversation with the water cooler guy who’s hitting on you.
#2. Self-sufficient power
The brighter your teeth are, the more readily-available lighting you’ll find right at your mouth-tips (even if your boss has planted you in the darkest corner of the office). Make the environment happier by providing vision-aiding power that’s 100% off the grid. Even in a power cut, the glow of your molars will let you keep your productivity at an all-time high. Your desk will become mighty popular during outages too. Just make sure you stock up on snack supplies in advance, before safely escorting your colleagues to the exits thanks to the light supplied by your high beamers.
#3. You’re how old?
A lot of people associate whiter brighter teeth with youth. Fool a prospective employer into thinking you’ve got plenty of years up your sleeve despite being just three months away from retirement.
#4. Quality control
Use your pearly whites to determine if the printer’s paper is white enough. It’s not a good look presenting important documents to clients or colleagues that look like they’ve come straight out of a museum (the important documents, that is, not the people). Even better, when the shredder’s out of order, you can eat the paper and no one will be able to tell if it’s stuck in your teeth.
#5. Getting what you want, when you want it
Despite company evolution from small to big to multi-national superpower, the kitchen facilities never get bigger. Flash those pearly whites and skip to the front of the queue for the microwave every time. Same goes for the bathroom. And the photocopier. And the last glass of wine at Friday night drinks. And your next promotion.
Check out today’s deals to nab a session of teeth whitening yourself. You never know, this could be the thing that pushes you up to the next pay bracket. ‘Coz every little thing is gonna be all white …